Smoking Quotes and Sayings

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend!

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since.
Arturo Toscanini

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… Well, it’s killing me!

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.
Mark Twain

It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times.

I thought I couldn’t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: “Oh well,” and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
Benny Hill

Oscar Wilde: ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ Sarah Bernhardt: ‘I don’t care if you burn’

One thousand Americans stop smoking every day – by dying.

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.
Harold Robbins

I’m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
Woody Allen

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn’t want to smoke, but I didn’t believe myself

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Douglas Adams

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.
Mark Twain

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic�s best friend.

If you must smoke, take your butt outside.
It is easier to stay out than get out.

Smoke your pipe and be silent; there’s only wind and smoke in the world.
Irish Proverb

Sooner or later, everyone stops smoking.

A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.

A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer.

Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.
eorge D. Prentice

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn�t want to smoke, but I didn�t believe myself.

The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can�t find your cigarettes.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.
Katharine Whitehorn

Cigarette: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
Jay Leno

To the average cigarette smoker the world is his ashtray.

Tobacco. Tumor causing, teeth staining, smelly, puking habit.

Smoke your pipe and be silent; there�s only wind and smoke in the world.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your cigarettes.

Smokers don�t get to smoke. They have to smoke.

To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life-work.
Mignon McLaughlin

The only safer cigarette is your last one.

A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
Oscar Wilde

On CBS Radio the news of [Ed Murrow’s] death, reportedly from lung cancer, was followed by a cigarette commercial.
Alexander Kendrick

The best way to stop smoking is to just stop – no ifs, ands or butts.
Edith Zittler

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.
Kurt Vonnegut

A nonsmoker is forced to find food, but for a smoker breakfast can be a cigarette and a cup of bad coffee.
Brock Fiant

Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again!… God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.
A.P. Herbert

There’s a lot of people who, a cigarette is about the only vacation they have.
Trey Parker, mini-commentary on DVD South Park episode “Butt Out”

I’d rather kiss a mad cow on the muzzle than a smoker on the mouth.
Paul Carvel

He who doth not smoke hath either known no great griefs, or refuseth himself the softest consolation, next to that which comes from heaven.
Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

In a gathering of two or more people, when a lighted cigarette is placed in an ashtray, the smoke will waft into the face of the non-smoker.

A cigarette is a pipe with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Please don’t throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light.

I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker…. but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table.
Michelle Pfeiffer

Forcing smoke down my lungs is pulmonary rape. It invades my body against my will, and it’s not fair.
Patty Young

The cigarette is a portable therapist.

Tobacco and alcohol, delicious fathers of abiding friendships and fertile reveries.
Luis Bunuel

Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.
Mignon McLaughlin

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The best way to stop smoking is to carry wet matches.

I’m glad I don’t have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and put them in my mouth.
Mignon McLaughlin

I�m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

I’ve been smoking nearly 50 years now. I just don’t feel safe breathing anything I can’t see!
Dave Beard

Some things are better eschewed than chewed; tobacco is one of them.

Ods me I marle what pleasure or felicity they have in taking their roguish tobacco. It is good for nothing but to choke a man, and fill him full of smoke and embers.
Ben Jonson

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I�ve done it a thousand times.

Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.

My smoking might be bothering you, but it�s killing me.

Watching the smoke dance out of a cigarette is like watching a girl dance out of her dress.
D.H. Mondfleur

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Tobacco, divine, rare superexcellent tobacco, which goes far beyond all panaceas, potable gold and philosopher’s stones, a sovereign remedy to all diseases.
Robert Burton

If we lose the battle against tobacco, we will lose the war against cancer.

The cigarette does the smoking – you’re just the sucker.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they’d only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.
Mignon McLaughlin

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Rudyard Kipling

Coffee and tobacco are complete repose.
Turkish Proverb

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it’s the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.
Florence King

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