Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.
Charles Simmons

Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.
V.L. Allineare

Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

A bad cold wouldn’t be so annoying if it weren’t for the advice of our friends.
Kin Hubbard

It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.

If I’d known I was going to live so long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
Leon Eldred

Physical ills are the taxes laid upon this wretched life; some are taxed higher, and some lower, but all pay something.
Lord Chesterfield

When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for a while before trying to get back up.

I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worthwhile.
George Bernard Shaw

I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill and you can never read his prescription.
Finley Peter Dunne

You have a cough? Go home tonight; eat a whole box of Ex-Lax – tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams

If I had my way I’d make health catching instead of disease.
Robert Ingersoll

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
Voltaire

Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
Ellie Katz

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson

I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.
Bill Walton

I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.
Samuel Butler

Get-well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing half the fun.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.