Without geography, you’re nowhere.
Author Unknown
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Author Unknown
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Author Unknown
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
P.D. East
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles Schulz
All generalizations are bad.
R.H. Grenier
The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.
Tom Waits
How come there’s only one Monopolies Commission?
Nigel Rees
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
George Ade
If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.
Title Song by Jimmy Buffet
Man was predestined to have free will.
Hal Lee Luyah
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Aldous Huxley
Murphy was an optimist.
O’Toole’s Commentary
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
Douglas Adams
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Author Unknown
You can’t have everything… where would you put it?
Steven Wright
He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
Torvald Gahlin
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen
Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker.
From the movie Naked
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Colin Sautar
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
Author Unknown
And on the eighth day God said, “Okay, Murphy, you’re in charge!”
Author Unknown
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to weave.
Mignon McLaughlin
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
Author Unknown
The chicken came first – God would look silly sitting on an egg.
Author Unknown
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Author Unknown
A great name for a new country song: If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.
The Quotes Junction
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
Rita Mae Brown
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
Sir Winston Churchill
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Author Unknown
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Carl Zwanzig
A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
Evan Esar
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Author Unknown
She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West
If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.
Elbert Hubbard
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Author Unknown
She was what we used to call a suicide blond – dyed by her own hand.
Saul Bellow
Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.
Douglas Adams
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
Author Unknown