Nicholas Angel: There’s no way you could perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a significant amount of paperwork.

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it’s time to rock and roll!

Simon Skinner: I’m a slasher! I must be stopped!

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin’ round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers’ mums.

[First night in Sandford]
Nicholas Angel: I’m taking you to the station.
[pause]
Nicholas Angel: Where is it?

Dr. Robin Hatcher: I brought you into this world, Danny. It seems fit I should take you out of it!

Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don’t want me to get the Chief Inspector down here, do you?

Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto.

Danny Butterman: Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, ‘Aaaaaaah?’

Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?

Simon Skinner: This is the 21st century — many people hold down more than one job.

[in a crime scene, where everyone is masked and wearing the same clothes]
Nicholas Angel: Janine, I’ve been transferred and I’m moving away for a while.
“Not” Janine: I’m not Janine.

PC Doris Thatcher: What makes you think it was murrderr?