It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.
Robert Lynd

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
A.A. Milne

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.
Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.
Bobby Jones

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
Paul Gallico

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it’s wrong but you can’t keep away from her.
Val Doonican

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Author Unknown

Forget your opponents; always play against par.
Sam Snead

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
William Wordsworth

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.
Arnold Palmer

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
P.J. O’Rourke

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Dean Martin

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent’s.
Grantland Rice

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
G.K. Chesterton

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
Joey Adams

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Author Unknown

Golf is life. If you can’t take golf, you can’t take life.
Author Unknown

If I can hit a curveball, why can’t I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?
Larry Nelson

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
Bob Ryan

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Lee Trevino

I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted.
Author Unknown

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd

My handicap? Woods and irons.
Chris Codiroli

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
John Updike

Even God has to practice his putting.
Golf Saying

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Pete Dye

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Harry Toscano

I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald Ford

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
Jim Dent

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
Adlai Stevenson

A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.
Barry Fitzgerald

I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
Bob Hope

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
Paul O’Neil

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Sam Snead

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
Tommy Armour

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
Paul Harvey

The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
Author Unknown

The average golfer doesn’t play golf. He attacks it.
Jack Burke

Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain’t no game.
Burt Shotten

There are two things you can do with your head down – play golf and pray.
Lee Trevino

The worst club in my bag is my brain.
Chris Perry

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
Robin Williams

Golf is hockey at the halt.
Arthur Marshall

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.
H.G. Wells, Bealby

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.
Winston Churchill

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.
Don Carter

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
Art Rosenbaum

One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.
George Archer

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Al Boliska

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Billy Graham

Isn’t it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
Bob Hope

His driving is unbelievable. I don’t go that far on my holidays.
Ian Baker-Finch

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
Princess Anne

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.
Percey Boomer

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.
Homero Blancas

What’s nice about our tour is you can’t remember your bad shots.
Bob Bruce

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again.
Lon Hinkle

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
Author Unknown

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
Joe E. Lewis

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers

I don’t like watching golf on TV. I can’t stand whispering.
David Brenner

All I’ve got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse.
Eric Linklater

It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
Author Unknown

Gone golfin’… be back dark thirty.
Author Unknown

Born to golf. Forced to work.
Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
Author Unknown

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures… and not in still waters.
Author Unknown