If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Funny Thought
Call me insane one more time and I’ll eat your other eye!
Funny Thought
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Funny Thought
When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
Funny Thought
Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can’t it get us out?
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Funny Thought
When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
Funny Thought
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Funny Thought
I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver’s side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
Funny Thought
After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
Funny Thought
This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.
Funny Thought
I went out today and bought everything I’ve been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
Funny Thought
The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.
Funny Thought
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
Funny Thought
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Funny Thought
Why is it called a BUILDING when it is already built?
Funny Thought
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Funny Thought
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Funny Thought
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Funny Thought
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Funny Thought
Just “before” someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Funny Thought
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Funny Thought
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
Funny Thought
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Funny Thought
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Funny Thought
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Funny Thought
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Funny Thought
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Funny Thought
If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Funny Thought
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Funny Thought
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Funny Thought
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Funny Thought
Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?
Funny Thought
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
Funny Thought
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Funny Thought
If there is no GOD who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
Funny Thought
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
Funny Thought
Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
Funny Thought
How did a fool and his money GET together?
Funny Thought
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
Funny Thought
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Funny Thought
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Funny Thought
Why call it “take” a dump, when you leave something behind?
Funny Thought
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Funny Thought
Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
Funny Thought
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Funny Thought
Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?
Funny Thought
Why call it a building if it’s already been built?
Funny Thought
Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?
Funny Thought
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
Funny Thought
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
Funny Thought
Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?
Funny Thought
If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?
Funny Thought
What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?
Funny Thought
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Funny Thought
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Funny Thought
How do you KNOW it’s new and improved dog food?
Funny Thought
Why do they put locks on the doors of 24-hour stores?
Funny Thought
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Funny Thought
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Funny Thought
Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
Funny Thought
Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?
Funny Thought
Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
Funny Thought
Why are they called stands when they’re made for sitting?
Funny Thought
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Funny Thought
Why does one get in trouble for ‘WRECK’less driving?
Funny Thought
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Funny Thought
Why does SLOW DOWN and SLOW UP mean the same thing?
Funny Thought
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Funny Thought
Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?
Funny Thought
Why do they call then express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?
Funny Thought
Why is abreviation such a long word?
Funny Thought
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Funny Thought
How can someone draw a blank?
Funny Thought
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
Funny Thought
Why is the word abbreviate so long?
Funny Thought
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Funny Thought
What is another word for thesaurus?
Funny Thought
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Funny Thought
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Funny Thought
Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
Funny Thought
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Funny Thought
Why does an alarm clock go off when it begins ringing?
Funny Thought
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Funny Thought
Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
Funny Thought
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Funny Thought
You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else?
Funny Thought
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Funny Thought
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Funny Thought
Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards?
Funny Thought
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
Funny Thought
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Funny Thought
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Funny Thought
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Funny Thought
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Funny Thought
Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Funny Thought
Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
Funny Thought
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
Funny Thought
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Funny Thought
I really feel sorry for Madonna’s baby, having to grow without a last name.
Funny Thought