A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
Demetri Martin
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
Demetri Martin
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby
If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
Dave Allen
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Doug Larson
Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend.
Albert Camus
Every murderer is probably somebody’s old friend.
Agatha Christie
Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.
Lord Burleigh
Friendship is Love without his wings.
Lord Byron
It’s much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship.
Proverb
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Mel Brooks
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Erma Bombeck
Good taste and humour…are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.
Malcolm Muggeridge
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
Anonymous
A pun is the lowest form of humor — when you don’t think of it first.
Oscar Levant
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers