Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.
Doug Plank
You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
Dan Birdwell
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
Frank Gifford
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
Sue Lawley
The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller
Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become.
Mary McGrory
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
Elbert Hubbard
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous.
Chris Laidlaw
I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.
jack Tatum
He was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference.
Steve Owen
Trying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer.
Anonymousreferee
Men are clinging to football on a level we aren’t even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It’s our Alamo.
Tony Kornheiser
Speed is not your fastest, but your slowest man. No back can run faster than his interference.
Jock Sutherland
When it comes to football, God is prejudiced – toward big, fast kids.
Chuck Mills
Australian Rules football might best be described as a game devised for padded cells, played in the open air.
Jim Murray
Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.
Merle Kessler
What about football? Is it a sport or a concussion?
Jim Murray, Los Angeles Times