Violet Beauregarde: [after stretching into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I’m much more flexible now.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you’re blue.

Mike Teavee: You don’t understand *anything* about science! First off, there’s a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!

Narrator: In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka had something even better, a family. And one thing was absolutely certain – life had never been sweeter.

Veruca Salt: I’m Veruca Salt. It’s very nice to meet you, sir.
[does a curtsy]
Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha.

Charlie Bucket: Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course they’re joking. That boy will be fine.
[looks worried]

Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even *I’m* eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they’re real people. They’re Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There’s no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I’m here to tell you…
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you’ll know all about it and oh what a terrible country it is.

Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like… old people. And soap. I like it.

Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that’s what you get from chewing gum all day, it’s just disgusting.
Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka: Once again you really shouldn’t mumble, because it’s really starting to bum me out.

Grandma Georgina: [the glass elevator crashes through the roof of Charlie's house] I think there’s someone at the door.

Narrator: Indeed, that very night, the impossible had already been set in motion.

Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don’t know what he’s talking about. I mean, kids today, what with all the technology…
Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee: …doesn’t seem like they stay kids very long.

Charlie Bucket: [on chocolate river, deep in factory, passing an open door in which Oompa-Loompas are whipping a cow] Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka: Exactly!
Veruca Salt: That doesn’t make any sense.
Willy Wonka: For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all unless it’s been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca Salt: All I’ve got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!

Willy Wonka: And the rest of you must be their p-p-…
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Moms and dads!
[expression darkens]
Willy Wonka: Dad? Papa?

Grandpa George: You don’t know what we’re talking about.
Grandma Georgina: [after a moment] Dragonflies?

Mr. Bucket: Your mum and I thought, maybe you’d like to open your birthday present tonight.
Charlie Bucket: Maybe we should wait until morning.
Grandpa George: Like hell.
Grandpa Joe: All together we’re 381 years old. We don’t wait.

Grandpa George: There’s plenty of money out there. They print more of it every day. But that ticket? There are only five of them in the world, and that’s all there’s ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?

Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn’t be a champion. I’d be a loser. Like you.

Veruca Salt: [outside the Chocolate Factory] Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr. Salt: It’s 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.

Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important! Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world m…
Veruca Salt: You already said that.
Willy Wonka: Oh…

Charlie Bucket: So… if I go with you, to live in your factory, I’ll never see my family again?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!

[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka: Right, now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie’s the only one left.
Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you’re the only one?… what happened to the others?

[about Veruca Salt winning a golden ticket]
Grandpa George: She’s even worse than the fat boy!

Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. It is a chocolate factory, after all.
Mike Teavee: Then, why’s the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That’s to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.