A computer is like the union, it never works unless you spend money on it.
Unknown Author
On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
Anonymous
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive.
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Unknown Author
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Anonymous
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Unknown Author
When all else fails, read the manual.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Anonymous
The computer is a moron.
Peter Drucker-1909
Unix never says please.
Rob Pike
Windows is just DOS in drag.
*Computers Quotes*
What boots up must come down.
*Computers Quotes*
Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1.
*Computers Quotes*
Home is where you hang your @*.
*Computers Quotes*
I wish life had an Undo function.
*Computers Quotes*
If it draws blood, it’s hardware.
*Computers Quotes*
Some people can hack it, others can’t.
*Computers Quotes*
At least my pencil never crashes!
*Computers Quotes*
RAM* disk is not an installation procedure.
*Computers Quotes*
In God we trust, all others we virus scan.
*Computers Quotes*
Apathy Error* Don’t bother striking any key.
*Computers Quotes*
I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.
Isaac Asimov
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.
John F. Kennedy
Never let a ‘computer’ know you’re in a hurry.
*Computers Quotes*
But they are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso
Rebooting is a wonder drug – it fixes almost everything.
Garrett Hazel-2002*
Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.
*Computers Quotes*
I just wish my mouth had a backspace key.
*Computers Quotes*
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Jeff Pesis
Software is a gas; it expands to fill its container.
Nathan Myhrvold
Hardware* the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Jeff Pesis
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
*Computers Quotes*
Don’t anthropomorphize computers – they hate it.
*Computers Quotes*
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer.
J.H. Goldfuss
The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
Alan Perlis
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec.
Marcus Dolengo
I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.
*Computers Quotes*
Software is slowing faster than hardware is accelerating.
Martin Reiser-1995*
The inside of a computer is as dumb as hell but it goes like mad!
Richard Feynman
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
**Bill Gates**
Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.
Robert A. Heinlein
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.
*Computers Quotes*
Database* the information you lose when your memory crashes.
Dave Barry
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
Nicholas Negroponte
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Leonard Brandwein
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell
Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers.
*Computers Quotes*
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.
Ken Olsen-1926
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger W. Dijkstra
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
Clifford Stoll
A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before
*Computers Quotes*
After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.
John Pierce
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier.
**Bill Gates**-1955
It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.
Craig Bruce
Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases.
Norman Augustine
A thunderstorm is God’s way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
*Computers quotes*
After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of (a) book as a kind of screen saver for your brain
*Computers quotes*
Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
Clifford Stoll
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
Dave Barry
A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.
Douglas Adams
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Edsger W. Dijkstra
I just found out that the brain is like a computer. If that’s true, then there really aren’t any stupid people. Just people running DOS.
*Computers quotes*
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Edward Shepherd Mead
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Mitch Ratcliffe
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
Isaac Asimov-1920
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don’t add up.
James Magary
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there’s no law against whacking them around a little.
Eric Porterfield
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
Sydney J. Harris
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
*Computers Quotes*
There are three kinds of death in this world. There’s heart death, there’s brain death, and there’s being off the network.
Guy Almes
Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don’t think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other.
**Bill Gates**
There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It’s a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you ‘play’ with them!
Richard P. Feynman
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer not advised are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
Quotes Junction
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.
*Computers Quotes*
In the old days, people robbed stagecoaches and knocked off armored trucks. Now they’re knocking off servers.
Richard Power
Macintosh – we might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.
Douglas Adams
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Werner von Braun
Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things.
Doug Gwyn
The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.
*Computers Quotes*